Yesterday I watched two movies:
- Jane bhi do yaaro
- James Bond 007: Golden Eye
Christmas is gone and all the festivals are finished for this year. For us the last festival of the year is Diwali. It reminds me of crackers, oh I was so crazy about crackers when I was young!! But I come from a middle class family, we had budget constraints, my dad would buy me only few crackers!! I would fight with him for more!! Anyway, every year at our work place the Indian group celebrates Diwali. They have some music, dance followed by lunch. We have a small music band in our team and I had sung with them couple of years ago.
My boss let’s say Mr.Bond (yeah what’s in a name? any name….smells sweet right???) pinged me:
Mr.Bond : Money Penny would you like to participate in this year’s Diwali event?
Money Penny: No Mr.Bond I am not interested.
Mr.Bond: Why Money Penny, come on it will be fun.
Money Penny: No, I am not in a mood, some personal issue you see. I don’t want to participate.
Mr.Bond: Do play, you get some diversion from whatever you are depressed about
Money Penny: I am not confident Mr.Bond, I don’t have it in me to go on stage, in the front. You see I have stage fear, I am Mrs. Shakespeare. I don’t like Mr.Mike. I go on the stage and start singing it feels like a goat bleating. And more over, my mind is heavy because of my personal issue.
Mr.Bond: Don’t worry we’ll be there
Money Penny: No, I am a very small singer and on the stage I get nervous, I stand in front of Mr.Mike and see all the dignitaries I get panic attacks. I forget my lines, I forget the tunes, my stomach starts grumbling, my hands legs shakes, my throat dries. I will be a laughing stock. I can’t do this.
Mr. Bond is still trying to convince me to do this. He goes on, then I tell myself, “ok before this guy thinks – “kitna attitude dikhati hai yeh ladki, do teen lines nahi gaa sakte kya?” -“, I reluctantly said,
Money Penny: ok fine Mr.Bond (since you give me no choice). But please keep a burkha ready for me soon after the show. (Well, of course I didn’t say the last line)
On the day, my Melly was leaving for India and I didn’t have a good feeling. I didn’t want to participate. He had a flight in the noon. After he left, I don’t know I missed him so much that I cried and cried and cried in the restroom. (Probably I finished one roll of toilet paper) I was like “Oh, Gawwwwd am I having a panic attack again? Will I die??? Mom Dad I miss you..Oh I want to be with you..what am I doing here? I should go to my country..I miss my country”…then after a few minutes “Control”!!!!! Then I went to workplace, I was still feeling low. I went on the stage, stood in front of Mr.Mike, saw so many people, so many eyes just staring at me…
No. of eyes staring = 2 * No. of people. Holy Moly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wished there was just me and Mr.Mike and our singing group and no audiences, all the chairs empty. I have exceptional imaginative power, I will imagine there are audiences.
I went on the stage and as expected my performance sucked. I told Mr.Bond, “You see, what did I tell Mr.Bond that mine will be a flop show and I proved it. Now please, where’s my trophy “Burkha please in a box” – need something to remember – a souvenir”
Now I officially confessed I am Mrs.Shakespeare. achha to ab saari disha mein phail de , east, west, south, north, south east, south west, blah blah blah…..
This was the song I sang: Tamburi meetidava bhavabdi daaTidava
Composition by: Mr. Purandara Dasa set in raaga: Sindhu Bhairavi in Aditila.
Sindhu Bhairavi stands for separation and sorrow. It is derived from No. 10 Natakapriya raga.
Some people are so blessed with lovely voice, and their take offs and landings are so perfect. All gifted folks!
A very beautiful and soulful rendition by Smt. Vishaka Hari.